Stephen Leacock Memorial Medal for Humour FINALIST 2011
“When looking for wisdom on big questions, I turn to either the Bible or Red Green.
— Ken Gallinger, Ethically Speaking columnist, Toronto Star
“[H]ilarious, satirical and smart. . . .Some of the advice–such as [Smith’s] tips on surviving marriage–is wiser and more honest than anything you’ll read in a real so-called self-help book.”
— The Globe and Mail
“Thankfully . . . Steve Smith is as crafty with words as he is with DIY home renovations.”
— Toronto Life
“For those suffering from Possum Lodge withdrawal–fear not, because Red’s back and he’s written the ultimate do-it-yourself and self-help manual all rolled into one.”
Introduction | How to Survive the Seven Stages of Marriage | Docking a Powerboat | How to Keep Birds Away | How to Drink Responsibly | Things Not to Say to the Bride | How to Balance Your Job and Home Life | How to Reduce Your Hotel Bill | Quick Tip #1: Opening a Pickle Jar | Plumbing Made Easy | How to Form a Club | Home Schooling | Reviving Traditions of the Past | Use This, Not This | How to Apologize | How to Get a Job | How to Tell If You Have a Problem Teenager | Quick Tip #2: What to Do About Squeaky Floorboards | Bad Gift Weather Station | How to Check Your Marital Status | How to Preserve Your Internal Hermit | Income Tax Deductions That Are Worth a Try | Behaviour Modification Through Observation | How to Improve Your Gas Mileage on a Long Trip | Hang the Expense | How to Make Dinner More Romantic | Seven Legal Things You Can Do with a Damp Basement | Quick Tip #3: Car Pulls to the Left | Multiple-Choice Sensitive-Man Quiz | How to Dress | How to Survive an Office Job | How to Work Tirelessly | Important Research for the Do-It-Yourselfer | Twelve Ways to Liven Up a Party | Why We Have Rules | Making Alternative Fuel | Items That Don’t Mix | Quick Tip #4: Opening a Sticky Door | How to Tell If You’re Too Focused on Your Job | How Your Pool Can Shovel Snow | Important Life Lessons | Less Is Mower | People Who Shouldn’t Drink Coffee | Ten Reasons to Have a Gravel Driveway | Reducing Your Carbon Footprint | How to Set Up Your Home Entertainment System | How to Have a UFO Sighting | The Easy Way to Raise Children | Quick Tip #5: Getting the Cork out of a Wine Bottle | How to Sell a Questionable Used Car | How to Avoid Conflict | The Importance of a Ground Wire | How to Feel Good About Yourself | What to Do with Your Fitness Equipment | Appearances Can Be Revealing | How to Babysit | How to Balance Your Books | How to Handle Messy People | Quick Tip #6: Fixing a Leaky Roof | How to Install a Parquet Floor | The Motor-Sail-Cle | How to Take Better Pictures | Your First Cruise | How to Split Firewood | Cooking with Acetylene | Getting More out of Your Furnace | How to Get Back at Your Lawn mower | How to Sell Your Home Privately | Quick Tip #7: How to Measure Your Hat Size with a Two-by-Four | How to Save Money on Auto Body Work | How to Use an Adjustable Wrench | The Benefits of Fishing | Wake-Up Calls | How to Avoid Identity Theft | How to Fight the Aging Process | Good in the Clutch | Starting Your Chainsaw | How to Avoid Traffic Violations | Quick Tip #8: Getting Rid of a Bad Smell | How to Survive the Airport Experience | How to Spot Your Enemies | How to Fix a Leaky Faucet | The Computer Is Your Friend | Pause for Thoughts: Some Words of Wisdom | Choosing the Correct Fastener | The Dangers of the “To Do” List | Safety Rules for the Handyman | The Miracle of Mechanical Advantage | Quick Tip #9: Sealing a Drafty Window | Passing the Torch | Crisis Management | Shades of Green | The Million-Dollar Handyman | How to Catch Mice | The Demands of Boat Ownership | Handyman Fingerprints | Deciding Who Should Pay the Bills | How to Tell if You’re Boring | Quick Tip #10: Slippery Stairs | Another Pause for Thoughts | A Quiet Place | The Dangers of Pointing a Finger | How to Adjust to Global Warming | Beware of Golf | Don’t Play Too Much Solitaire | Friends with Benefits | How to Prepare for the Big Day | Quick Tip #11: Getting Farther on Empty | Power Paint | Respecting the Sensitive Handyman | The Real Ironman Triathlon | In Loving Memory of the Two-Cycle Engine | Translating Sailor Talk | Old-Guy Practice | Animal Defence | How to Build Your Own Airplane | How to Get Off the Grid | Quick Tip #12: Can You Drink the Water? | How to Manage Fire | How to Manage Your Expectations | How to Outsmart a Raccoon | Interpreting Body Messages | High Steppers | The Art of Mind Reading | Rarely Heard Sentences | The Good Side of Bad Reflexes | Think Healthy, Be Healthy | Quick Tip #13: Should You Be Lifting This? | A System for Gambling | Remote Possibilities | Subjects You Should Not Bring Up with Your Wife | Supply and Demand | Things You Can Learn from Your Dog | What She Does Not Want | The Importance of Being Ignorant | The Handyman’s Prayer | About the Author | About the Illustrator | About the Photographer | Acknowledgements |
From the Hardcover edition.