“If I could have Julie Subotky follow me about 24 hours a day, I would. Next best thing: this book. Her secrets for getting things done are nothing short of problem-solving genius.”
–Evelyn Lauder, Senior Corporate Vice President, The Estee Lauder Companies
“I can’t remember the last time I read a book that was so useful and funny at the same time. No question in my mind: this book is a winner. “
-Chris Evert, tennis champion
”The only thing more daunting to most people than managing their finances is managing all the annoying tasks that pile up in their daily lives. Luckily, Julie Subotky is willing to share all her brilliant secrets for accomplishing quite literally anything under the sun.”
–David Bach, #1 New York Times Bestselling Author of The Automatic Millionaire and Founder of Finishrich.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1: RELATIVELY SPEAKING
How to Turn Your Great Aunt’s Hideous Jewelry into Something You’ll Actually Wear
How to get out of going to a family reunion.
How to Teach Your Elderly Relative to be Internet Savvy.
How to Hire a Fake Fiancée to Escort You to a Family Reunion.
How to Speak with your Unborn Baby.
How to welcome a new mom home from the hospital.
How to Stay Sane as a New Mom.
How to Make Baby Food From Scratch.
How to Get Your Kids to Sleep in Their Own Bed.
How to Convince Your Kids that Doing Dishes, Cleaning Their Room, and Doing Chores is Fun.
How to start a family game night tradition.
How to amuse your kids on a rainy day.
How to Create a Family Crest.
How to tell your mother you got a tattoo.
How to Get Rid of Your Kids’ Things Once They Move out of the House.
How to commission someone to paint a family portrait.
How to get your wife let you watch the game in peace.
Chapter 2: AROUND THE WORLD
How to Guarantee Your Luggage Won’t Get Lost.
How to Make the Best of Being Stranded in an Airport.
How to Efficiently Pack for a Trip.
How to Hire Your Own Security Guard to Take You Around a Dangerous City.
How to Know What to Bring When Traveling with a Baby.
How to Learn to Speak a Foreign Language.
How to Find a Custom Tailor in a Foreign City
How to Get a Passport Issued–Overnight.
How to Get to Everest Base Camp.
How to Get the Best Seat on an Airplane.
How to make people think you’re a local even if you’re a tourist.
How to find a dentist in another country.
How to hike the Appalachian Trail.
How to Book a Ferry to a Greek Island.
How to avoid quarantine if you get sick on a cruise.
How to get Valerian Root to Kuwait (or another weird substance into a foreign country) (or another weird substance into a foreign country) .
How to Book a Hot Air Balloon Ride.
How to go skydiving.
How to get the brand of chewing gum you got hooked on in Japan
How to get armed security guards on a commercial flight.
How to travel on a major holiday without losing your mind.
Chapter 3: IN THE NAME OF LOVE
How to Blow a First Date.
How to impress your date with your drink order.
How to Signal to Your Dinner Date That You Need the Heimlich (and Still Get a Second Date).
How to Convince Your Single Friend to Join a Dating Website.
How to Set Up Two of Your Friends—and Not Get Blamed if it Doesn’t Work Out.
How to reject an unwanted suitor.
How to Be a Cute Valentine.
How to get a custom engagement ring designed.
How to Put an Engagement Ring in a Fortune Cookie.
How to propose at the philharmonic (or any other classy public venue).
How to return your ex’s stuff.
How to Bake an Engagement Ring into a Soufflé.
How to get a wedding dress shipped half way around the world.
How to Convince Your Single Friend to Quit a Dating Website.
How to Plan a Wedding in Two Weeks.
How to surprise your bride with a fireworks display.
How to take care of your man.
Chapter 4: SNEAKY BUT (MOSTLY) HARMLESS
How to Politely and Lawfully Blackmail Anyone.
How to Hire a Private Investigator.
How to Answer a Question if You’re Called on in Class/a Meeting and Weren’t Paying Attention.
How to Cheat at Scrabble.
How to Avoid Eating a Host’s Terrible Cooking without Being (too) Rude
How to Get Bumped off a Flight so that You Can Get a Free Ticket.
How to Join a Secret Society.
How to Sneak into a Marathon.
How to Replace Your Daughter’s Deceased Pet Bunny Before She Gets Home from School.
How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket.
How to Cut Any Line.
How to get tickets to a sold out baseball game.
How to sneak booze into pretty much anywhere.
How to Ace a Bail Hearing.
How to Start a False Rumor.
How to Beat a False Rumor.
How to Squeeze Your Way into a Will.
Chapter 5: MIND YOUR BUSINESS
How to Find the Perfect Job.
How to write a resume.
How to Get Monogrammed Dress Shirts.
How to Get Your Office Mate to Use Her ‘Indoor Voice’.
How to pretend you follow the TV show all your friends/coworkers talk about.
How to reject an unwanted suitor (who happens to be related to your boss).
How to surf the internet at work without being busted.
How to actually get the to-do’s on your list done.
How to win your office Oscar pool.
How to get a lazy co worker to shape up.
How to Organize Your Desk.
How to Nap during a Meeting.
Chapter 6: CROWD PLEASERS
How to hire a snake dancer for a party.
How to Arrange a Singing Telegram.
How to pull off your own fireworks display.
How to Choose the Perfect Karaoke Song to Impress a Crowd—Even if You Can’t Sing.
How to Improve Your Party With Dry Ice.
How to throw an impromptu dinner party.
How to throw a successful TV show viewing party.
How to Impress a Group with a Magic Trick—and then Get Them Off Your Back Before You Have to Do a Second.
How to choose the right game for any group.
How to write a toast.
How to hire a rock band.
How to Create a Carnival .
How to Hire a Mariachi Band.
How to Customize Anything.
How to Hire a Lion Tamer for a Party.
How to Be the Most Interesting Person at a Party.
How to Sponsor a Parade.
How to Install a Bowling Alley in Your Basement.
How to Throw Together a Party at the Very Last Minute
How to Make a Grand Gesture – In Skywriting.
Chapter 7: SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE
How to Get Your Husband to Ask for Directions.
How to Solve a Rubik’s Cube (in under a minute).
How to Say No.
How to survive a weekend getaway with no cell reception.
How to Get Rid of Morning Sickness.
How to Get Rescued From a Desert Island.
How to Reclaim a Cell Phone.
How to lay off chocolate.
How to refuse a dare.
How to Get a Dinner Reservation at an Impossibly Overbooked Hot Spot with a 3-Month Waiting List.
How to get rid of the last 5 pounds.
How to Get on a Reality Show.
How to Get an Autograph From a Reclusive Celebrity (without ending up with a restraining order)
How to get 1,000,000 hits on YouTube.
How to Get Back a lost Wallet.
How to Send Flowers to Someone Without Knowing Their Address.
How to Get a Package Delivered on Christmas Morning
How to Get a Ticket to Anything Sold Out.
How to make a citizen’s arrest – or not.
Chapter 8: LIFE & DEATH
How to Conduct a Séance.
How to Create a Bucket List.
How to Avoid a Hangover.
How to Easily Take Pain Meds after Surgery.
How to Go Shark Diving.
How to Find Out if Your House is Haunted.
How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions.
How to write a will.
How to Ship a (Dead) Body
How to Bury Someone Who Served in the Military.
How to plan your own funeral.
How to Have an Eco-Friendly Burial (i.e. Cremation)
How to Write a Eulogy.
How to Find a Good Taxidermist.
How to Channel Your Dead Pet.
Chapter 9: HOME SWEET HOME
How to locate a matching spoon for your grandmother’s silver set.
How to Organize Your Closet in 20 Minutes.
How to Get Your Scummy Landlord to Replace Your Broken Refrigerator.
How to make your move smooth and easy.
How to make sure your renovations are completed on time.
How to Furnish a Home Quickly.
How to be sure you have the necessities in your kitchen.
How to disassemble and reinstall an antique chandelier.
How to get your Movers to Rearrange Your Furniture One Last Time.
How to Fix a Hole in the wall.
How to Move a 20-Gallon Fish Tank.
How to Get Rid of a Mildew Smell.
How to turn a closet into a baby’s room.
How to Set Up a Darkroom in Your House.
How to keep your basement organized.
How to add a room to your apartment
How to Get Rid of a Stubborn Smell.
How to Baby-Proof a Tiny Apartment.
How to Keep a Plant Alive.
How to move your boat.
How to “green” your home… and get your kids involved.
Chapter 10: LIONS & TIGERS & PETS, OH MY!
How to sneak an elephant into a public park (for an Indian wedding).
How to swim with sea lions.
How to Get and Keep a Pet Lion.
How to Get Your Dog to Bring You Your Slippers.
How to Keep Your Pets from Scratching the Floors.
How to Have a Dog in a 10 x 10 Apartment.
How to Make a Custom Sweater for Your Dog
How to wash your dog.
How to Get a Rare Tropical Bird as a Pet.
How to Plan a Birthday Party for Your Dog.
How to Get Your Dog to Stop Barking at the Mailman.
How to Move Your Pet Overseas
How to make your old dog become best friends with your new dog.
How to Get Pet Insurance.
How to care for a dog that suffers from separation anxiety.
How to Clone Your Pet.
How to Kill a Cockroach.
Chapter 11: FOOD & DRINK
How to Choose the Ripest Watermelon.
How to Find a Fishmonger in Your Area.
How to Entice Your Kids to Eat Their Vegetables.
How to Find a Weird Culinary Concoction that No One Has Ever Heard Of.
How to truss a chicken.
How to stock the perfect bar.
How to Make the Perfect Martini.
How to make Irish cream at home.
How to make an old fashioned.
How to Brew Your Own Beer.
How to choose and serve a bottle of wine like a pro.
How to create your own wine cellar.
How to Make Your Favorite Cocktails on a Plane.
How to cook dinner for 4 on less than $20.
How to Figure Out What to Order in a Restaurant Where No One Speaks English.
Chapter 12: SHOW ME THE MONEY
How to get your late fees waived
How to Cut Your Monthly Dry-Cleaning Bill in Half.
How to Avoid Baggage Charges on a Flight.
How to return something past the warranty date.
How to Actually Cash in on Your Coupons.
How to Create a Budget.
How to Get Your Taxes Done (more or less) on Time
How to Keep Your Credit-Card Information Safe.
How to Eat for Free for an Entire Week.
How to split the check with 10 stingy friends.
How to go to live concerts for free (or even make money).
How to get expensive things for free.
How to Tell How Much an Antique Is Worth.
How to win at Texas Hold’em.
How to earn quick money by being on television.
How to Figure Out Who and How to Tip at Christmas.
How to Keep Your Valuables Safe in Your Home.
Chapter 13: UNUSUAL YET USEFUL
How to Locate a Discontinued Pair of Running Shoes.
How to Purchase a Vietnam Combat Photo.
How to Locate a Fabric from a Photo.
How to Send a Banana in the Mail (with no box or envelope).
How to Put a Photo on a Cookie.
How to Send a Message on the Big Screen at a Sporting Event.
How to get a Russian Translator to Pick Up Your In-laws From the Airport.
How to Charter a Tugboat.
How to Build a Sandcastle that Won’t Collapse.
How to Fit More TV into Your Life.
How to record your own CD.
How to get open the plastic bags that come in rolls.
How to Be a Comedian.
How to Turn Your Idea into a TV Pilot.
How to Get Permission to Film a Movie in an Airport.
How to Change Your Name just because you feel like it .
Chapter 14: ANNOYING (BUT NECESSARY)
How to remember all of your passwords.
How to Get Gum Out of Your Clothes.
How to Get Rid of the Hiccups.
How to unclog a drain.
How to remember to make all those annoying medical appointments -and then actually show up.
How to Keep Your Linen Shirt from Wrinkling.
How to Convert Your DVD Collection to Digital Files.
How to easily donate clothes.
How to Remove a Stain.
How to convert your VHS tapes to DVD’s.
How to break-in a baseball glove.
How to write thank you notes in no time.
How to find an upscale flower shop.
How to Stick to a Workout Plan.
How to prevent blisters on a long hike.
How to Keep Up with Sports.
How to Make Sure You Actually Print or Make Albums for All Your Digital Photos.
How to Change a Tire