READERS GUIDE

PART 1: WHERE DO I START?


CHAPTER 1: YOU CAN’T WALK THROUGH WALLS

The takeaways: In Chapter 1, you read about Jordan’s response when she faced the loss ofher grandmother in the midst of a transitional season of life. Adjusting to college was already achallenge, but losing someone so special only made the transition more difficult, and it seemedto steal her confidence.

She shared that her natural response was to reach for things that she thought would make herfeel complete and more confident. She stated, “I reasoned that if I could cover up the internalfeelings [sadness, insecurity, etc.] with band-aids, they’d go away.” She painted us a picture toshow how her default response to difficulties she’d rather not deal with is to cover up any ounceof insecurity with image maintenance. Don’t we all do that? Wouldn’t we prefer to project animage to the world that boasts strength, success, wit, and well-being? We don’t want to be seenas weak, lost, or insecure women.


The problem: When life feels uncertain, insecure, or just flat out difficult, we can dangerouslybegin to compensate for a lack of confidence by doing what we can to hold ourselves togetheror create a perceived image that doesn’t actually exist. We can begin to build walls around ourhearts, and as a result we fail to leave a gap or a door to get outside of ourselves and let othersin. This creates isolation, which only leads to further insecurity, and that inevitably holds us backfrom stepping into our destiny.


The discussion question: Which part of the story Jordan shared stood out to you most? Haveyou ever, whether subconsciously or consciously, turned to your achievements or to theadmiration of others to make you feel worthy, whole, or confident during a difficult season?What is your natural response when you find yourself feeling insecure in a new environment orstuck in sadness? Share an example of when this has happened in your own life.Once you identify the ways that you may do what Jordan highlighted she did in the first chapter,consider which big step you’re avoiding because you’re hiding behind imaginary walls ofput-togetherness. Do you need to take a step to have a hard conversation, seek outprofessional help, or something else? How can you resolve to take one big step today, out ofthe make believe walls or labels you live behind? If you’re in a group or book club, pick apartner. Hold one another accountable to taking your respective big steps this week.


CHAPTER 2:


WHAT ARE YOU REALLY AFTER?


The takeaways: In Chapter 2, Jordan shared about her desire to fit in more than anything elsein the world. She pointed out that although we often think being needed will give us a sense ofpurpose, being wanted for who we are and not just for what we can bring to the table is whatreally what gives us a sense of worth and significance.

Additionally, Jordan shared that our deepest desires can reveal our deepest insecurities. Whenall she wanted was to fit in, if she looked a little closer at where that desire was coming from, itwas from a belief that she didn’t have inherent worth and that only a certain status or socialcircle could bring that confidence. She pointed out that there is.


While it’s normal to desire to fit in, we are really made for friendship. What we are made to dobegins and is supported by authentic relationship—not with recognition. Lastly, Jordan remindedus that the biggest steps are not necessarily the ones that appear big, impressive, or noticeable.They are often the smallish steps we resolve to take before we even quite understand why orwhere we’re being led.


The problem: Our desire to fit in, or to have a place to belong, is not a bad desire. However,sometimes we can mistakenly begin to exchange our need for relationship by striving forrecognition. When what begins as a noble desire begins to rule you, that means that the resultor outcome is what you believe will complete you. That is a lie. No house, no guy, no car, nosocial circle, no job…nothing outside of you and who God made you to be can complete you.


The discussion questions: Take inventory of your deepest desires and greatest wants. Whileour desires are generally for good things (a house, a family, friends, etc.), take a moment toconsider how the things you want most might also reveal the places you feel most insecure.What are those desires in your life?

How do those highlight some possible hidden insecurities inyour heart?

Have you ever tried to look or act a certain way to fit in somewhere or with someone? How haveyou been untrue to yourself just to earn a desired spot in your company, a social circle, orsomething else?

What expectations do you perceive others have of you? How do you get distracted from whoyou’re made to be because you’re so focused on who you think you’re supposed to be?How have you prioritized fitting in or keeping up with the Jones’ over friendship and simplycoming alongside someone in your life?Go for a walk down memory lane and remind yourself of what truly matters.

How have you seena small step, or something seemingly insignificant, become the birthplace of big growth? Do youbelieve that can happen again in your life?


CHAPTER 3:

BREAKTHROUGH BEGINS WITH YOU

The takeaways: In Chapter 3, Jordan shared about her struggle with cystic acne, and what shelearned about it, to illustrate a deeper lesson she learned about handling insecurities from theinside out (instead of simply covering them up). We must start on the inside and learn to own upto and take responsibility for our insecurities, instead of letting them own and control us.

The discussion questions: What insecurities do you battle on a regular basis?

How do you handle those flaws or insecurities? Do you tend to cover them up, as Jordan sharedshe has done, or do you try to identify the root problem and tackle it at the source?

What is one thing that you need to see breakthrough in this week? If you’re with a group, alloweach person to share their answer and have the person to their left lift them up by speakingwords of encouragement and prayer. Hold one another accountable to address and workthrough that thing this week.


PART 2: GETTING UNSTUCK


CHAPTER 4: OVERCOMING IMPOSTOR SYNDROME WITH INTENTIONAL ACTION STEPS


The takeaways: In Chapter 4, Jordan tackled the feeling of impostor syndrome by sharing herown experience with it as she just began to “try stuff,” as her mom suggested during her collegeyears. Her “just trying stuff,” one little step at a time, led to so much more than she couldpossibly imagine. In this chapter, she outlines key reasons we fail to dream outside the box andtry new things. Then, she follows those reasons up with solutions, such as preparing for failureand learning how to take incremental, implementable, imperfect action.


The problem: The fear of embarrassment, being seen starting small, other people’s opinions,our tendency to live in boxes, all paired with the pressure to prove creates impostorsyndrome…which more often than not, holds us back from what we’re made to do.


The discussion questions: How are you experiencing impostor syndrome right now? How is itholding you back from stepping out and trying something outside of your comfort zone?

Of the reasons Jordan shared that we don’t “try stuff” or “dream outside the box,” which resonates with you most? Why?

Which of the suggestions for overcoming impostor syndrome that Jordan offered in this chapterdo you struggle with most? Which do you feel you need to implement or be more intentionalwith?


CHAPTER 5:

OVERCOMING DISAPPOINTMENT WITH A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

The takeaways: In Chapter 5, Jordan shared a story about when she and Matt’s dreams totallycrumbled, without a backup plan in place. Using this story, she highlighted how often we can putour entire purpose into our plans or positions we’re chasing after. When that plan doesn’t workout, it can be devastating. She shared a few lessons that she and her husband had to learn inthat season of shattered dreams and massive disappointment, such as the importance ofadopting an attitude of gratitude, an important mindset shift, why it is so critical to get over the“platform,” and that FOMO (the fear of missing out) is fake.


The problem: When we approach disappointment or unmet expectations with a victimmentality, we run the risk of being sidelined by that setback. Focusing on what we think we’remissing out causes us to miss out on where we are.

The discussion questions: Have you faced a big disappointment when it comes to yourhopes, dreams, or ambitions recently? What happened and how did you respond?

Which of the hard lessons Jordan and Matt had to learn resonated with you most and why?

Do you struggle with FOMO? Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on your dreams or likeyou missed your one big opportunity? How so?
How will you shift your mindset on this going forward?


CHAPTER 6: OVERCOMING SHAME BY SHARING


The takeaways: In Chapter 6, Jordan shared about a time in her life that body image andshame led her to make some really unhealthy choices. She found that when she finally openedup and began talking about the struggles and behaviors she had struggled with a trusted friend,she began to feel the shame lift–and it strengthened their friendship, too. Sharing the not sopretty parts of our story can be so powerful. She closed this chapter out by offering sometangible advice for anyone who might be struggling with body image or stuck in a place wherethey feel so obsessed with achieving a certain goal that the goal has began to own them. A fewof these include asking for help, finding healthy community, and setting both goals ANDboundaries on those goals.


The Problems: Seeing ourselves through a lens of shame (I’m too fat, I’m not qualified, I’m toobroken, etc.) causes us to see a distorted view of ourselves and the truth. If we don’t open up,shame can hold us back from the connection we are created for. Additionally, in our efforts tohold onto our pride, we can get stuck in patterns of performance that we believe help us hidethe skeletons in our closet. As a result, we can end up hurting ourselves.


The discussion questions: Have you ever struggled with body image or unhealthy behaviorsto achieve a certain goal? What was that like?

Have you ever felt ashamed of yourself? Of your body, of your choices, or something thathappened to you?Have you ever become so obsessed with a goal that achieving that goal took over your wholelife?


What was that like?What is a goal you are working toward now, and what boundaries might be able to put on it sothat you can remain focused and work toward it in a healthy way, without becoming totallyobsessed?

Okay, now for the most important question. This is a safe place. Is there anything you need totalk about or open up about? If you’re in a group setting, allow each member of the group achance to share, and encourage each member of the group to then respond with a prayer, wordof encouragement, story of their own, or piece of advice.


CHAPTER 7: OVERCOMING COMPARISON WITH COMPASSION

The takeaways: In Chapter 7, Jordan dove into the barrier of comparison. Highlighting a fewexamples of when she has personally gotten stuck in comparison, Jordan observed three types:we compare our successes to others, we compare ourselves to some expected version ofourselves, and we compare our struggles. Then, she pointed out that community,communication, and compassion (for others and for ourselves) are key to getting out of thecomparison trap when we fall into it. She offered some specific ways to do own OUR everyday(not hers or theirs). Some of these suggestions include cheering on our “competition” (and evenletting them win our made up competitions!), leaning in to get to know those we envy orcompare ourselves to most, and the importance of pausing long enough to remember why weare even doing something in the first place.


The Problems: Insecurities, expectations, and the pressure to prove ourselves often createsthese imaginary competitions in our minds because of our innate need to come out on top. Thisis much like running on a treadmill — exhausting but without forward motion. We cannotachieve our goals, do what we’re made to do, or make this world a better place if we areconstantly focused on the position we come in our imaginary races.

The discussion questions: Which of the three types of comparison do you find yourself inmost? How do you respond when thoughts of comparison creep up?

How have you experienced comparison holding you back from actually showing up for what youoriginally set out to do, whether it was a business goal or project, a workout, using social media,or something else?

What is one way you can take Jordan’s advice into action this week? In other words, how couldyou cheer someone else on? Who do you need to let win?

If you’re in a group, have each member write down a resolution as to how they will putcompassion and communication into action this week and then pair up. Pairs, hold one anotheraccountable each day for the next seven days. Report what you learned and how it helped youblock out comparison back to the group in the beginning of next week’s meeting.


CHAPTER 8: OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM BY PRIORITIZING

The takeaways: In Chapter 8, Jordan invited us into a conversation around the kitchen tablewith her friends to hash out all the ways we struggle with perfectionism. We looked at howperfectionism can become a barrier to living out our God-given purpose as women, and stepswe can take to choose purpose over perfectionism. Those steps include actively putting ourpriorities into action rather than just merely saying them, honestly identifying and eliminating thethings that drive perfectionism in our lives, and evaluating how we might be procrastinating,including having a friend help hold us accountable to set and complete a goal withoutprocrastinating any longer.


The problems: Perfectionism warps our view of love because it makes it about performance.To the perfectionist, love no longer becomes a safe place and is not seen as something to freelyreceive but instead as something that must be earned. Those struggling with perfectionism arefocused on success, but even more than that, they are focused on avoiding failure . The biggest issue with perfectionism is that it’s rooted in our egos and our pride, which forces us to make lifeall about ourselves, focusing on how we can perform and how we are perceived rather than onthe purpose we can serve right where we are (even if imperfectly).

The discussion questions: What are you a perfectionist about?Of the three problems outlined in this chapter, which do you resonate with? Do you find that youstruggle to believe you are loved as you are and need to perform a certain way to earn lovefrom God or others? Or, do you notice that you really strive for perfection because you’re aimingat avoiding failure? What have those tendencies looked like in your life?What is one way you can be more present this week?How have you procrastinated on something that has been on your heart recently? What’s onegoal you can set? Who you can ask to hold you accountable to see that through?


CHAPTER 9: OVERCOMING DISTRACTION WITH DISCIPLINE

The takeaways: In Chapter 9, Jordan really tackled the distractions we often face in our dailylives, especially when we are overwhelmed by indecision. She pointed out that perhaps we canfeel overwhelmed when we think of what we are made to do because there are so manyoptions, so many voices shouting at us, and so many shiny things catching our attention.Perhaps we don’t always get stuck due to a lack of opportunities but instead we get stuckbecause of an endless list of options, paired with the fear of making the wrong decision orpicking the wrong thing. This inevitably leads to distraction. Distraction takes our eyes off ofwhat really matters most, where we’re headed, and who we need to be. So, in this chapter,Jordan offered a few really practical and effective tools, or strategies, to help us be moredisciplined and intentional with the decisions we make on a daily basis.

The problem: Distractions are often a default when we’re faced with uncertainty or feeling alack of direction. At first, one more minute of scrolling on social media or one more of somethingelse may not seem to cause much damage. However, those “one mores” add up quickly andcan actually cause quite a bit of damage to both our daily disciplines, and ultimately, our dreamsand bigger destiny. If we lack discipline, we cannot even kind of do what we’re made to do.Distractions ultimately make us passive, which robs our passion and kills our purpose.

The discussion questions: Jordan mentioned default distractions, or things we naturally turnto when life feels overwhelming or we seem to lack direction. What are a few of your defaults?

When are you most likely to feel overwhelmed? What is your natural response in those seasonof being overwhelmed? Do you make a plan and take action, or do you tend to end up a littledistracted with mindless entertainment, comfort food, or some other distraction?

How have you felt the damage that distraction causes? How has it affected your confidence,direction, and willingness to make a decision and take a step toward what God has put on yourheart to do in this season?In addition to defaults, Jordan mentioned having a list of directives to help you be more focusedon who you’re made to be and weigh each decision against it. What would your list look like?

Are you trying to make a bigger choice or decision about something in your life? Put the10-10-10 analysis to work on this decision. What do you find?


PART 3: WHAT TO DO NOW


CHAPTER 10: FOCUS ON WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU DO


The takeaways: In Chapter 10, Jordan shared that the key to breaking the barriers thatinsecurity (which inevitably leads to expectations and the pressure to prove) builds is identity.Knowing who you are regardless of what you do or achieve is when insecurity and the pressureto prove lose their power in your life. The main point in this chapter is that you cannot do whatyou’re made to do unless you know who you are. Finding yourself won’t happen when you figureout your thing or achieve your dream. Knowing who you are is key to doing your thing andachieving your dreams. We must get this in the right order!


The problem: So often, we think that once we figure out what we’re passionate about, find ourpurpose, or prove ourselves, we’ll be more confident or “find ourselves.” We mistakenly allowour status, circumstances, or level of influence to be the places we put our identity, only to endup disappointed. We tend to look for purpose outside of ourselves in what we can do, withoutfirst looking inside of ourselves, remembering who God says we already are.

The discussion questions: Have you ever felt the pressure to live up to a perceivedexpectation you believe the world puts on you as a woman? Do you feel unconfident, insecure,or as though you’re lacking in purpose when you’re unable to live up to that expectation? Shareabout a time that you felt this way, or if you’re currently feeling this way.What about this chapter is difficult for you to believe or embrace for yourself?When someone asIf you’re in a group setting, take a few moments to have each person in the circle affirm oneperson at a time. For example, if there are four of you, three of you should speak one identitybased affirmation over one person. Do this for each person until all four of you have beenaffirmed by each other.Another fun option: Have one person stand in the middle with the others circled around her.Everyone else has a pad of post it notes and a pen. They write encouragements, affirmations,verses, good qualities she has, etc. and stick the notes to her. Do this for a set amount of time,then switch to another person in the middle. At the end, you can keep your post it notes forreaffirmation later. 🙂



CHAPTER 11: REDEFINE SUCCESS


The takeaways: Chapter 11 tackles the idea of success. In this short but challenging chapter,Jordan dares us to redefine how we view success — to break it down from being this big, “outthere” thing to being a simple, attainable, everyday thing. Perhaps the key takeaway from thischapter is to not only define success on a macro level (the big milestones, dreams, or goals) butalso on a micro level by defining your “micro-success factors,” as Jordan calls them.


The problems: While there is nothing wrong with pursuing bigger success andaccomplishments, we can begin overlook the simple opportunities to be successful andintentional on a daily basis.

The discussion questions: How do you define success on a macro level? What are those big dreams, ideas, or goals onyour heart? Speak them and write them down!

Now, before the pressure to go after them immediately sets in, how do you define success on amicro level? What are 3-5 micro success factors that would make each day a success if youachieved them by the time you went to bed? Speak these and write them down!

In a week, do a check in. If you’re with a group, partner with someone else and hold oneanother accountable for focusing on and achieving the 3-5 micro success factors you haveidentified for yourself each day and then report back to the group how well you stuck to those ona daily basis the next time you meet. This is so critical because you must be able to consistentlyfollow through and show up for those small, everyday things before you can really embrace theseemingly extraordinary, bigger things. Train yourself (and help each other) to do this!

What is one way you can bring heaven to earth today? Tomorrow at work? This week at home?Say it out loud and write down how you resolve to put this into action this week. Activelycommitting to this can prove to be effective in removing the pressure we often feel to do it all orlive up to expectations.



CHAPTER 12: LET IT GO, GIRL

The takeaways: In Chapter 12, Jordan really focused on the need to let go of both the bigburdens and the little lingering comforts or senses of control we have if we really want toflourish. She shared about how a heart-to-heart with a friend opened her up to start thinkingabout certain things she’s unknowingly held onto, and she invited us to do the same. Why?Because no matter how big or small the things we cling to are, the truth is that we cannot holdonto 1% of our guilt, struggles, or comforts and expect to live the life we’re made for. Lastly, Jordan reminded us to take the necessary steps toward freedom. While she believes that it’spossible for God to change our lives in an instant, it’s also true that not everything is overcomeovernight. When there is something in our life that we cannot let go of on our own, seeking helpis strong, courageous, and purposeful. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Just do what it takesto slowly but surely let it go, girl.

The problems: Too often, we hold onto things that actually hold us back from living the life weare made for. This stifles our growth and harms our potential.

The discussion questions: What lifeless thing are you holding on to? What do you need torelease? An unhealthy habit? An old flame you keep going back to against your betterjudgment? A grudge you’ve been carrying? Unmet expectations? Something else?

What is one step you can take this week toward letting go of that thing in your life?

Pair up with an friend this week and hold one another accountable to taking the step you eachresolved to take toward letting go. Whether that’s as simple as blocking that guy’s number,choosing not to purchase comfort food at the grocery store, apologizing to that person you liedto, or scheduling an appointment with a counselor, all steps (even the smallest ones) are stepstoward the freedom and growth you’re made for. Help each other take them.



CHAPTER 13: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY

The takeaways: In Chapter 13, Jordan really tackles that pressure we feel to prove ourselves.More specifically, she really zeroes in on the pressure we often feel to strike gold on our first try,which, therefore, often holds us back from trying at all. Then, she offers simple strategies to helpbreak the pressure to prove. Some of these include removing and/or retreating from highpressure influences, looking for everyday opportunities before extraordinary ones, and shiftingour perspective from “How can I find my purpose?” to, “How can I bring heaven to earth today?”

The problems: When we feel the pressure to prove, we begin to believe we must strike gold onour first try at chasing our dreams or goals. When we don’t get the result we wanted, we oftenprefer to give up or avoid trying again, rather than seeing the lesson we actually needed.

The discussion questions:Do you ever feel the pressure to strike gold on your first try? Whether it’s your first try at a sidehustle, your first try at leading a small group or book club, or your first time working a new job?

How did this chapter challenge you? What is one action step or change you want to implementwith this new perspective?

Are there external sources of pressure in your life? Whether it’s a parent, in-law, boss, client, orsomeone else? How might you be able to drown out those voices in your life? Think of an actionstep (or ask a friend or the group you’re with!) to help you come up with a simple solution toperhaps slightly retreat from those influences (even if you can’t cut them out completely) so youcan refocus on what you need / want to do!


If you’re in a group, ask each person how the group can support them in a new endeavor,season, or experience they are stepping into. Be intentional to find ways to become that“positive voice” to help balance out any of those “pressure voices” each member may have intheir lives.


CHAPTER 14: STOP WAITING, START LIVING

The takeaways: In this final chapter, Jordan really addressed the feeling of being stuck in a“perpetual season of waiting,” and offered some wisdom, advice, and action steps for handlingthat feeling. This chapter closes the book with a declaration meant to serve as a life mantra, anencouragement to stop waiting for some magical day when you hit that milestone or reach thatgoal, and instead, start showing up and living where you are, with what you have, before youfigure it all out.

The problems: When we focus on what we are waiting for, we end up wasting the days wehave. No wonder we feel so stuck!

The discussion questions: How do you identify with the stories and examples shared in thischapter? Do you feel stuck in a season of perpetual waiting, or are you in a season of growthand change?


What is your response to setbacks or long seasons in life? Do you celebrate the growth andprogress, even if it feels like steps backwards, or do you get stuck in your own head? How do you plan to handle seasons where you feel like you’re “waiting” going forward?


Look at the Anthem for the Woman of Purpose . How do you resolve to take one step to reallyown your everyday today? This week? This month? This year?
O W N Y O U R
E V E R Y D A Y
summer book club
# O Y E B O O K C L U B
J O R D A N L E E D O O L E Y ‘ S
OWN YOUR EVERYDAY BOOK CLUB
A note from Jordan Lee Dooley
Giiiiirl. Girl. GIRL.
I am SO stinkin’ proud of you!
Why? Because by downloading this guide, you’re telling me you’re ready for MORE. You’re
ready to dive even deeper. To not merely consume the #OYE material but to dig into it, share it
with friends, and even build community around it.
And that, sister friend, is a bold move. It may seem small but as I share in the book, small steps
are really the big things.
Here’s the deal: I don’t want this guide or this book (or anything I do) to only be inspiring. I’ve
designed it to be transformational and activating. I want to help you get results. Growth.
Improvement. Courage. And support. This guide paired with the book will help you do just that.
Just to reiterate, you can use this as a guide to our live calls every Monday on IG/FB and
respond to the Q’s on your own/in a journal AND you can also use it as a discussion guide with
a smaller group.
Go out on a limb here. Invite some girls over for sips and small bites, throw on some good
music, open the windows (if you’re doing this in the summer or are luckier than me and live in a
state that’s warm all year around), and dive into this week by week, page by page. Dare each
other to dream, take risks, and support one another as you show up for your lives.
And hey, if your girls are busy or they decide to be party poopers, you can totally go through this
on your own and show up for my weekly live book club calls with the bigger group on IG &
Facebook. The goal is simply that you do it, that you stick to it, and that you GROW — starting
where you are with what you have.
You ready? Let’s do this.
x
JLD
PS. Snap a photo when you tune into the live calls or during your small group meetings, post it
on your story or IG feed, and use the hashtag #OYEbookclub to connect with others in team
OYE.
PART 1: WHERE DO I START?
CHAPTER 1: YOU CAN’T WALK THROUGH WALLS
The takeaways: In Chapter 1, you read about Jordan’s response when she faced the loss of
her grandmother in the midst of a transitional season of life. Adjusting to college was already a
challenge, but losing someone so special only made the transition more difficult, and it seemed
to steal her confidence.
She shared that her natural response was to reach for things that she thought would make her
feel complete and more confident. She stated, “I reasoned that if I could cover up the internal
feelings [sadness, insecurity, etc.] with band-aids, they’d go away.” She painted us a picture to
show how her default response to difficulties she’d rather not deal with is to cover up any ounce
of insecurity with image maintenance. Don’t we all do that? Wouldn’t we prefer to project an
image to the world that boasts strength, success, wit, and well-being? We don’t want to be seen
as weak, lost, or insecure women.
The problem: When life feels uncertain, insecure, or just flat out difficult, we can dangerously
begin to compensate for a lack of confidence by doing what we can to hold ourselves together
or create a perceived image that doesn’t actually exist. We can begin to build walls around our
hearts, and as a result we fail to leave a gap or a door to get outside of ourselves and let others
in. This creates isolation, which only leads to further insecurity, and that inevitably holds us back
from stepping into our destiny.
The discussion question: Which part of the story Jordan shared stood out to you most? Have
you ever, whether subconsciously or consciously, turned to your achievements or to the
admiration of others to make you feel worthy, whole, or confident during a difficult season?
What is your natural response when you find yourself feeling insecure in a new environment or
stuck in sadness? Share an example of when this has happened in your own life.
Once you identify the ways that you may do what Jordan highlighted she did in the first chapter,
consider which big step you’re avoiding because you’re hiding behind imaginary walls of
put-togetherness. Do you need to take a step to have a hard conversation, seek out
professional help, or something else? How can you resolve to take one big step today, out of
the make believe walls or labels you live behind? If you’re in a group or book club, pick a
partner. Hold one another accountable to taking your respective big steps this week.
CHAPTER 2: WHAT ARE YOU R EALLY AFTER?
The takeaways: In Chapter 2, Jordan shared about her desire to fit in more than anything else
in the world. She pointed out that although we often think being needed will give us a sense of
purpose, being wanted for who we are and not just for what we can bring to the table is what
really what gives us a sense of worth and significance.
Additionally, Jordan shared that our deepest desires can reveal our deepest insecurities. When
all she wanted was to fit in, if she looked a little closer at where that desire was coming from, it
was from a belief that she didn’t have inherent worth and that only a certain status or social
circle could bring that confidence. She pointed out that there is
While it’s normal to desire to fit in, we are really made for friendship. What we are made to do
begins and is supported by authentic relationship—not with recognition. Lastly, Jordan reminded
us that the biggest steps are not necessarily the ones that appear big, impressive, or noticeable.
They are often the smallish steps we resolve to take before we even quite understand why or
where we’re being led.
The problem: Our desire to fit in, or to have a place to belong, is not a bad desire. However,
sometimes we can mistakenly begin to exchange our need for relationship by striving for
recognition. When what begins as a noble desire begins to rule you, that means that the result
or outcome is what you believe will complete you. That is a lie. No house, no guy, no car, no
social circle, no job…nothing outside of you and who God made you to be can complete you.
The discussion questions: Take inventory of your deepest desires and greatest wants. While
our desires are generally for good things (a house, a family, friends, etc.), take a moment to
consider how the things you want most might also reveal the places you feel most insecure.
What are those desires in your life? How do those highlight some possible hidden insecurities in
your heart?
Have you ever tried to look or act a certain way to fit in somewhere or with someone? How have
you been untrue to yourself just to earn a desired spot in your company, a social circle, or
something else?
What expectations do you perceive others have of you? How do you get distracted from who
you’re made to be because you’re so focused on who you think you’re supposed to be?
How have you prioritized fitting in or keeping up with the Jones’ over friendship and simply
coming alongside someone in your life?
Go for a walk down memory lane and remind yourself of what truly matters. How have you seen
a small step, or something seemingly insignificant, become the birthplace of big growth? Do you
believe that can happen again in your life?
CHAPTER 3: BREAKTHROUGH BEGINS WITH YOU
The takeaways: In Chapter 3, Jordan shared about her struggle with cystic acne, and what she
learned about it, to illustrate a deeper lesson she learned about handling insecurities from the
inside out (instead of simply covering them up). We must start on the inside and learn to own up
to and take responsibility for our insecurities, instead of letting them own and control us.
The problem: When we feel insecure, we
The discussion questions: What insecurities do you battle on a regular basis?
How do you handle those flaws or insecurities? Do you tend to cover them up, as Jordan shared
she has done, or do you try to identify the root problem and tackle it at the source?
What is one thing that you need to see breakthrough in this week? If you’re with a group, allow
each person to share their answer and have the person to their left lift them up by speaking
words of encouragement and prayer. Hold one another accountable to address and work
through that thing this week.
PART 2: GETTING UNSTUCK
CHAPTER 4: OVERCOMING IMPOSTOR SYNDROME WITH INTENTIONAL ACTION STEPS
The takeaways: In Chapter 4, Jordan tackled the feeling of impostor syndrome by sharing her
own experience with it as she just began to “try stuff,” as her mom suggested during her college
years. Her “just trying stuff,” one little step at a time, led to so much more than she could
possibly imagine. In this chapter, she outlines key reasons we fail to dream outside the box and
try new things. Then, she follows those reasons up with solutions, such as preparing for failure
and learning how to take incremental, implementable, imperfect action.
The problem: The fear of embarrassment, being seen starting small, other people’s opinions,
our tendency to live in boxes, all paired with the pressure to prove creates impostor
syndrome…which more often than not, holds us back from what we’re made to do.
The discussion questions: How are you experiencing impostor syndrome right now? How is it
holding you back from stepping out and trying something outside of your comfort zone?
Of the reasons Jordan shared that we don’t “try stuff” or “dream outside the box,” which
resonates with you most? Why?
Which of the suggestions for overcoming impostor syndrome that Jordan offered in this chapter
do you struggle with most? Which do you feel you need to implement or be more intentional
with?
CHAPTER 5: OVERCOMING DISAPPOINTMENT WITH A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
The takeaways: In Chapter 5, Jordan shared a story about when she and Matt’s dreams totally
crumbled, without a backup plan in place. Using this story, she highlighted how often we can put
our entire purpose into our plans or positions we’re chasing after. When that plan doesn’t work
out, it can be devastating. She shared a few lessons that she and her husband had to learn in
that season of shattered dreams and massive disappointment, such as the importance of
adopting an attitude of gratitude, an important mindset shift, why it is so critical to get over the
“platform,” and that FOMO (the fear of missing out) is fake.
The problem: When we approach disappointment or unmet expectations with a victim
mentality, we run the risk of being sidelined by that setback. Focusing on what we think we’re
missing out causes us to miss out on where we are.
The discussion questions: Have you faced a big disappointment when it comes to your
hopes, dreams, or ambitions recently? What happened and how did you respond?
Which of the hard lessons Jordan and Matt had to learn resonated with you most and why?
Do you struggle with FOMO? Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on your dreams or like
you missed your one big opportunity? How so?
How will you shift your mindset on this going forward?
CHAPTER 6: OVERCOMING SHAME BY SHARING
The takeaways: In Chapter 6, Jordan shared about a time in her life that body image and
shame led her to make some really unhealthy choices. She found that when she finally opened
up and began talking about the struggles and behaviors she had struggled with a trusted friend,
she began to feel the shame lift–and it strengthened their friendship, too. Sharing the not so
pretty parts of our story can be so powerful. She closed this chapter out by offering some
tangible advice for anyone who might be struggling with body image or stuck in a place where
they feel so obsessed with achieving a certain goal that the goal has began to own them. A few
of these include asking for help, finding healthy community, and setting both goals AND
boundaries on those goals.
The Problems: Seeing ourselves through a lens of shame (I’m too fat, I’m not qualified, I’m too
broken, etc.) causes us to see a distorted view of ourselves and the truth. If we don’t open up,
shame can hold us back from the connection we are created for. Additionally, in our efforts to
hold onto our pride, we can get stuck in patterns of performance that we believe help us hide
the skeletons in our closet. As a result, we can end up hurting ourselves.
The discussion questions: Have you ever struggled with body image or unhealthy behaviors
to achieve a certain goal? What was that like?
Have you ever felt ashamed of yourself? Of your body, of your choices, or something that
happened to you?
Have you ever become so obsessed with a goal that achieving that goal took over your whole
life? What was that like?
What is a goal you are working toward now, and what boundaries might be able to put on it so
that you can remain focused and work toward it in a healthy way, without becoming totally
obsessed?
Okay, now for the most important question. This is a safe place. Is there anything you need to
talk about or open up about? If you’re in a group setting, allow each member of the group a
chance to share, and encourage each member of the group to then respond with a prayer, word
of encouragement, story of their own, or piece of advice.
CHAPTER 7: OVERCOMING COMPARISON WITH COMPASSION
The takeaways: In Chapter 7, Jordan dove into the barrier of comparison. Highlighting a few
examples of when she has personally gotten stuck in comparison, Jordan observed three types:
we compare our successes to others, we compare ourselves to some expected version of
ourselves, and we compare our struggles. Then, she pointed out that community,
communication, and compassion (for others and for ourselves) are key to getting out of the
comparison trap when we fall into it. She offered some specific ways to do own OUR everyday
(not hers or theirs). Some of these suggestions include cheering on our “competition” (and even
letting them win our made up competitions!), leaning in to get to know those we envy or
compare ourselves to most, and the importance of pausing long enough to remember why we
are even doing something in the first place.
The Problems: Insecurities, expectations, and the pressure to prove ourselves often creates
these imaginary competitions in our minds because of our innate need to come out on top. This
is much like running on a treadmill — exhausting but without forward motion. We cannot
achieve our goals, do what we’re made to do, or make this world a better place if we are
constantly focused on the position we come in our imaginary races.
The discussion questions: Which of the three types of comparison do you find yourself in
most? How do you respond when thoughts of comparison creep up?
How have you experienced comparison holding you back from actually showing up for what you
originally set out to do, whether it was a business goal or project, a workout, using social media,
or something else?
What is one way you can take Jordan’s advice into action this week? In other words, how could
you cheer someone else on? Who do you need to let win?
If you’re in a group, have each member write down a resolution as to how they will put
compassion and communication into action this week and then pair up. Pairs, hold one another
accountable each day for the next seven days. Report what you learned and how it helped you
block out comparison back to the group in the beginning of next week’s meeting.
CHAPTER 8: OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM BY PRIORITIZING
The takeaways: In Chapter 8, Jordan invited us into a conversation around the kitchen table
with her friends to hash out all the ways we struggle with perfectionism. We looked at how
perfectionism can become a barrier to living out our God-given purpose as women, and steps
we can take to choose purpose over perfectionism. Those steps include actively putting our
priorities into action rather than just merely saying them, honestly identifying and eliminating the
things that drive perfectionism in our lives, and evaluating how we might be procrastinating,
including having a friend help hold us accountable to set and complete a goal without
procrastinating any longer.
The problems: Perfectionism warps our view of love because it makes it about performance.
To the perfectionist, love no longer becomes a safe place and is not seen as something to freely
receive but instead as something that must be earned. Those struggling with perfectionism are
focused on success, but even more than that, they are focused on avoiding failure . The biggest
issue with perfectionism is that it’s rooted in our egos and our pride, which forces us to make life
all about ourselves, focusing on how we can perform and how we are perceived rather than on
the purpose we can serve right where we are (even if imperfectly).
The discussion questions: What are you a perfectionist about?
Of the three problems outlined in this chapter, which do you resonate with? Do you find that you
struggle to believe you are loved as you are and need to perform a certain way to earn love
from God or others? Or, do you notice that you really strive for perfection because you’re aiming
at avoiding failure? What have those tendencies looked like in your life?
What is one way you can be more present this week?
How have you procrastinated on something that has been on your heart recently? What’s one
goal you can set? Who you can ask to hold you accountable to see that through?
CHAPTER 9: OVERCOMING DISTRACTION WITH DISCIPLINE
The takeaways: In Chapter 9, Jordan really tackled the distractions we often face in our daily
lives, especially when we are overwhelmed by indecision. She pointed out that perhaps we can
feel overwhelmed when we think of what we are made to do because there are so many
options, so many voices shouting at us, and so many shiny things catching our attention.
Perhaps we don’t always get stuck due to a lack of opportunities but instead we get stuck
because of an endless list of options, paired with the fear of making the wrong decision or
picking the wrong thing. This inevitably leads to distraction. Distraction takes our eyes off of
what really matters most, where we’re headed, and who we need to be. So, in this chapter,
Jordan offered a few really practical and effective tools, or strategies, to help us be more
disciplined and intentional with the decisions we make on a daily basis.
The problem: Distractions are often a default when we’re faced with uncertainty or feeling a
lack of direction. At first, one more minute of scrolling on social media or one more of something
else may not seem to cause much damage. However, those “one mores” add up quickly and
can actually cause quite a bit of damage to both our daily disciplines, and ultimately, our dreams
and bigger destiny. If we lack discipline, we cannot even kind of do what we’re made to do.
Distractions ultimately make us passive, which robs our passion and kills our purpose.
The discussion questions: Jordan mentioned default distractions, or things we naturally turn
to when life feels overwhelming or we seem to lack direction. What are a few of your defaults?
When are you most likely to feel overwhelmed? What is your natural response in those season
of being overwhelmed? Do you make a plan and take action, or do you tend to end up a little
distracted with mindless entertainment, comfort food, or some other distraction?
How have you felt the damage that distraction causes? How has it affected your confidence,
direction, and willingness to make a decision and take a step toward what God has put on your
heart to do in this season?
In addition to defaults, Jordan mentioned having a list of directives to help you be more focused
on who you’re made to be and weigh each decision against it. What would your list look like?
Are you trying to make a bigger choice or decision about something in your life? Put the
10-10-10 analysis to work on this decision. What do you find?
PART 3: WHAT TO DO NOW
CHAPTER 10: FOCUS ON WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU DO
The takeaways: In Chapter 10, Jordan shared that the key to breaking the barriers that
insecurity (which inevitably leads to expectations and the pressure to prove) builds is identity.
Knowing who you are regardless of what you do or achieve is when insecurity and the pressure
to prove lose their power in your life. The main point in this chapter is that you cannot do what
you’re made to do unless you know who you are. Finding yourself won’t happen when you figure
out your thing or achieve your dream. Knowing who you are is key to doing your thing and
achieving your dreams. We must get this in the right order!
The problem: So often, we think that once we figure out what we’re passionate about, find our
purpose, or prove ourselves, we’ll be more confident or “find ourselves.” We mistakenly allow
our status, circumstances, or level of influence to be the places we put our identity, only to end
up disappointed. We tend to look for purpose outside of ourselves in what we can do, without
first looking inside of ourselves, remembering who God says we already are.
The discussion questions: Have you ever felt the pressure to live up to a perceived
expectation you believe the world puts on you as a woman? Do you feel unconfident, insecure,
or as though you’re lacking in purpose when you’re unable to live up to that expectation? Share
about a time that you felt this way, or if you’re currently feeling this way.
What about this chapter is difficult for you to believe or embrace for yourself?
When someone as
If you’re in a group setting, take a few moments to have each person in the circle affirm one
person at a time. For example, if there are four of you, three of you should speak one identity
based affirmation over one person. Do this for each person until all four of you have been
affirmed by each other.
Another fun option: Have one person stand in the middle with the others circled around her.
Everyone else has a pad of post it notes and a pen. They write encouragements, affirmations,
verses, good qualities she has, etc. and stick the notes to her. Do this for a set amount of time,
then switch to another person in the middle. At the end, you can keep your post it notes for
reaffirmation later. 🙂
CHAPTER 11: REDEFINE SUCCESS
The takeaways: Chapter 11 tackles the idea of success. In this short but challenging chapter,
Jordan dares us to redefine how we view success — to break it down from being this big, “out
there” thing to being a simple, attainable, everyday thing. Perhaps the key takeaway from this
chapter is to not only define success on a macro level (the big milestones, dreams, or goals) but
also on a micro level by defining your “micro-success factors,” as Jordan calls them.
The problems: While there is nothing wrong with pursuing bigger success and
accomplishments, we can begin overlook the simple opportunities to be successful and
intentional on a daily basis.
The discussion questions:
How do you define success on a macro level? What are those big dreams, ideas, or goals on
your heart? Speak them and write them down!
Now, before the pressure to go after them immediately sets in, how do you define success on a
micro level? What are 3-5 micro success factors that would make each day a success if you
achieved them by the time you went to bed? Speak these and write them down!
In a week, do a check in. If you’re with a group, partner with someone else and hold one
another accountable for focusing on and achieving the 3-5 micro success factors you have
identified for yourself each day and then report back to the group how well you stuck to those on
a daily basis the next time you meet. This is so critical because you must be able to consistently
follow through and show up for those small, everyday things before you can really embrace the
seemingly extraordinary, bigger things. Train yourself (and help each other) to do this!
What is one way you can bring heaven to earth today? Tomorrow at work? This week at home?
Say it out loud and write down how you resolve to put this into action this week. Actively
committing to this can prove to be effective in removing the pressure we often feel to do it all or
live up to expectations.
CHAPTER 12: LET IT GO, GIRL
The takeaways: In Chapter 12, Jordan really focused on the need to let go of both the big
burdens and the little lingering comforts or senses of control we have if we really want to
flourish. She shared about how a heart-to-heart with a friend opened her up to start thinking
about certain things she’s unknowingly held onto, and she invited us to do the same. Why?
Because no matter how big or small the things we cling to are, the truth is that we cannot hold
onto 1% of our guilt, struggles, or comforts and expect to live the life we’re made for. Lastly,
Jordan reminded us to take the necessary steps toward freedom. While she believes that it’s
possible for God to change our lives in an instant, it’s also true that not everything is overcome
overnight. When there is something in our life that we cannot let go of on our own, seeking help
is strong, courageous, and purposeful. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Just do what it takes
to slowly but surely let it go, girl.
The problems: Too often, we hold onto things that actually hold us back from living the life we
are made for. This stifles our growth and harms our potential.
The discussion questions: What lifeless thing are you holding on to? What do you need to
release? An unhealthy habit? An old flame you keep going back to against your better
judgment? A grudge you’ve been carrying? Unmet expectations? Something else?
What is one step you can take this week toward letting go of that thing in your life?
Pair up with an friend this week and hold one another accountable to taking the step you each
resolved to take toward letting go. Whether that’s as simple as blocking that guy’s number,
choosing not to purchase comfort food at the grocery store, apologizing to that person you lied
to, or scheduling an appointment with a counselor, all steps (even the smallest ones) are steps
toward the freedom and growth you’re made for. Help each other take them.
CHAPTER 13: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
The takeaways: In Chapter 13, Jordan really tackles that pressure we feel to prove ourselves.
More specifically, she really zeroes in on the pressure we often feel to strike gold on our first try,
which, therefore, often holds us back from trying at all. Then, she offers simple strategies to help
break the pressure to prove. Some of these include removing and/or retreating from high
pressure influences, looking for everyday opportunities before extraordinary ones, and shifting
our perspective from “How can I find my purpose?” to, “How can I bring heaven to earth today?”
The problems: When we feel the pressure to prove, we begin to believe we must strike gold on
our first try at chasing our dreams or goals. When we don’t get the result we wanted, we often
prefer to give up or avoid trying again, rather than seeing the lesson we actually needed.
The discussion questions:
Do you ever feel the pressure to strike gold on your first try? Whether it’s your first try at a side
hustle, your first try at leading a small group or book club, or your first time working a new job?
How did this chapter challenge you? What is one action step or change you want to implement
with this new perspective?
Are there external sources of pressure in your life? Whether it’s a parent, in-law, boss, client, or
someone else? How might you be able to drown out those voices in your life? Think of an action
step (or ask a friend or the group you’re with!) to help you come up with a simple solution to
perhaps slightly retreat from those influences (even if you can’t cut them out completely) so you
can refocus on what you need / want to do!
If you’re in a group, ask each person how the group can support them in a new endeavor,
season, or experience they are stepping into. Be intentional to find ways to become that
“positive voice” to help balance out any of those “pressure voices” each member may have in
their lives.
CHAPTER 14: STOP WAITING, START LIVING
The takeaways: In this final chapter, Jordan really addressed the feeling of being stuck in a
“perpetual season of waiting,” and offered some wisdom, advice, and action steps for handling
that feeling. This chapter closes the book with a declaration meant to serve as a life mantra, an
encouragement to stop waiting for some magical day when you hit that milestone or reach that
goal, and instead, start showing up and living where you are, with what you have, before you
figure it all out.
The problems: When we focus on what we are waiting for, we end up wasting the days we
have. No wonder we feel so stuck!
The discussion questions: How do you identify with the stories and examples shared in this
chapter? Do you feel stuck in a season of perpetual waiting, or are you in a season of growth
and change?
What is your response to setbacks or long seasons in life? Do you celebrate the growth and
progress, even if it feels like steps backwards, or do you get stuck in your own head? How do
you plan to handle seasons where you feel like you’re “waiting” going forward?
Look at the Anthem for the Woman of Purpose . How do you resolve to take one step to really
own your everyday today? This week? This month? This year?

About this Author

OWN YOUR EVERYDAY BOOK CLUB
A note from Jordan Lee Dooley

Giiiiirl. Girl. GIRL.


I am SO stinkin’ proud of you!


Why? Because by downloading this guide, you’re telling me you’re ready for MORE. You’reready to dive even deeper. To not merely consume the #OYE material but to dig into it, share itwith friends, and even build community around it.


And that, sister friend, is a bold move. It may seem small but as I share in the book, small stepsare really the big things.


Here’s the deal: I don’t want this guide or this book (or anything I do) to only be inspiring. I’vedesigned it to be transformational and activating. I want to help you get results. Growth.Improvement. Courage. And support. This guide paired with the book will help you do just that.


Just to reiterate, you can use this as a guide to our live calls every Monday on IG/FB andrespond to the Q’s on your own/in a journal AND you can also use it as a discussion guide witha smaller group.


Go out on a limb here. Invite some girls over for sips and small bites, throw on some goodmusic, open the windows (if you’re doing this in the summer or are luckier than me and live in astate that’s warm all year around), and dive into this week by week, page by page. Dare eachother to dream, take risks, and support one another as you show up for your lives.


And hey, if your girls are busy or they decide to be party poopers, you can totally go through thison your own and show up for my weekly live book club calls with the bigger group on IG &Facebook. The goal is simply that you do it, that you stick to it, and that you GROW — startingwhere you are with what you have.


You ready? Let’s do this.

x
JLDPS.


Snap a photo when you tune into the live calls or during your small group meetings, post iton your story or IG feed, and use the hashtag #OYEbookclub to connect with others in teamOYE.