READERS GUIDE

Questions and Topics for Discussion

1. Early in the book, Holmes suggests that many of us learn how to say “yes” long before we learn how to say “no.” Does this resonate with your own experience?

2. The book blends memoir, cultural criticism, history, psychology, and interviews with experts. Which story, historical example, or personal reflection stayed with you most, and why?

3. Holmes argues that saying “no” is often connected to power. How did the book change or reinforce your thinking about who is able to say “no” comfortably and who often cannot?

4. Throughout the book, Holmes examines the expectations placed on women to be agreeable, accommodating, and emotionally available. Which examples felt most familiar or surprising to you?

5. One of the book’s recurring ideas is that every “no” is also a “yes” to something else. What might your next “no” allow you to say “yes” to?

6. Several experts discuss the importance of “the pause” before responding to requests. How might intentionally delaying your answers change the way you make decisions?

7. Holmes explores how saying “no” can affect our work lives, relationships, and mental health. Which area of life felt most relevant to you as you read?

8. The book challenges the belief that saying “no” is selfish. Did it change the way you think about self-respect, generosity, or your responsibility to others?

9. The Power of No explores consent and autonomy far beyond romantic relationships. How did this broader definition of consent expand your thinking?

10. Holmes includes several examples of women who describe becoming more comfortable saying “no” as they grow older. Why do you think that is? Has your own relationship with “no” changed over time?

11. Which strategy, insight, or perspective from the book do you think you’ll carry into your own life?

12. Do you remember a time when you said “no” successfully? What do you think made it possible for you to do so?

13. What are some examples of times when you wish you had said “no”? What kept you from saying it?

14. Holmes acknowledges that saying “no” to professional or educational opportunities can be especially fraught for those who have a scarcity mentality—a fear that there’s only so much opportunity to go around. Does this resonate with you in regard to your own work or academic life?

15. If you could ask Anna Holmes one question after finishing The Power of No, what would it be?