Real Vampires Don't Diet

Real Vampires Don’t Diet. No point when they’re stuck exactly the way they happen to be on the day they are turned vampire. If Glory St. Clair had only known, she might have passed up a few meat pies and lemon tarts before going under the fangs back in 1604. But, with her brain fogged by lust for a hunky Scot, she wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. Now, four hundred years later, the hunky Scot is still around and so are Glory’s “generous” curves. In Real Vampires Have Curves, the first book in the “Real Vampires” series, Glory joined friends and settled in Austin, Texas, using her knowledge of “old stuff” to open a vintage clothing/antique shop.

In this fourth book in the “Real Vampires” series, Glory’s dateless on New Year’s Eve. Then she’s called out to convince a newly made vampire, rocker Israel Caine, that falling on a stake isn’t the best way to see in the new year. This sun worshiper never wanted to be a vamp in the first place and now he can’t even get a buzz from his favorite Jack Daniel’s. No wonder he’s depressed. Glory and her shape-shifting bodyguard Valdez are on the case. But a midnight boat ride complicates things in a big way when Caine and Glory meet a displaced Siren who demands vampire sacrifices.

I’ve always wondered if vampires really are everywhere. Could they be hiding in plain sight, keeping a low profile? Working night jobs like checking at a mini-mart or at Wally World? I mean, do all of them have to be Dracula-wannabes? Maybe some really nice people just happen to be vampires, blending with humans and drinking synthetic blood or taking their daily ration and wiping our memories of our donation. No harm, no foul.

Honestly, that’s what authors of fiction do. Ask the “What if” questions. And our imaginations supply the answers. In Glory’s world, vampires live peacefully, for the most part, among humans. Glory, whose real name is Gloriana, has to change her name every twenty or thirty years or so and move to keep from getting noticed. Just like any person who never aged would have to do. Now that we have such cool plastic surgery, she can stay in one place a little longer. See where I’m going with this?

Of course, all is not sweetness and light in Glory’s world. There are big bads in the vampire community. And other entities: shapeshifters, weres, demons, you name it. And of course there are the dreaded vampire hunters, who have figured out the vamps exist and are determined to annihilate them. Sigh. So Glory can’t just run her little shop, enjoy her lover and blend in undisturbed. Besides, then I wouldn’t have a story, would I?

Hope you enjoy this latest in the Glory St. Clair series. Remember, Real Vampires Don’t Diet. As Glory can tell you, it wouldn’t work because, believe me, she’s tried. Oh well, twenty-three forever? I’d take it.

Happy reading and happy new year!

— Gerry Bartlett