The Good Son

Table Of Contents

Introduction
The Declining Moral Health of Our Sons
Two of Life’s Most Important Words
The Good Son Parenting Plan
A Crucial Duty

Part One: The Challenge of Providing Discipline and Moral Development to Boys

One: What Does It Mean to Have a Son?
The “Male Question”
Merilee’s Courage
Morality Is Somewhat Different for Boys:
Aggression and the Brain; Testosterone; Hormones and Stress; External Behavior and the Male Brain; Brain Flexibility; The Brain at Rest; Impulse Control; Mental Disease
Inside the Male Mind: The Search for Inherent Worth and Value
Boys Depend on Moral Training

Two: Are We Protecting Our Sons from Moral Harm?
The Nowhere Men
Mark: What Are the Ten Commandments?
Jonathan and His Friends: Strain on the Mother-Son Bond
Grant, Les, and Tommy: The Tragic Loss of the Father
Brandon: The Gradual Loss of the Extended Family
When the Media Poisons Our Boys
The Mechanization of Boyhood
The Moral Nature of Boys
Good Son Parenting Principles

Part Two: Nurturing the Early Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Obedience (Birth to Six Years Old)

Three: Infancy: Nurturing Boys from Birth to Eighteen Months
Your Son’s First Developmental Episode: An Overview:
He Is a Spiritual Embryo; His Biggest Task; He Learns by Imitation; He Is a Literal Thinker; He Is Delicate and Fragile; He Sees Everyone as a Potential Nurturer; The Age of Obedience
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Growth; His Individual Temperament; His Necessary Narcissism; His Angels on Each Shoulder: Synchrony and Remedy; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
The Beginnings of Discipline; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; The Role of Adult Anger; Using Appropriate Physical Discipline; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline Development
Moral Teaching
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Child Care; The Role of the Active Father; Adoption; Extra Attention the Boy Needs; Nutritional Issues; Media Use; The Rituals of Life; The Role of Godmothers and Godfathers
Emmit’s Story

Four: The Toddler Years: Nurturing Boys of Eighteen Months to Four Years
Developmental Milestones:
His Basic Psychological Development; His Intellectual Growth; His Hunger to Explore; His Hidden Biology; Attention as Discipline; His Toddler Search for Independence; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Creating a Family Discipline System; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Using a “Time-Out” and Loss of Privileges; Showing Him How to Do the Right Thing; Raising Your Voice; Dealing with Repeated Offenses; Spanking; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline Development; Toilet Training
Moral Teaching:
Letting Toddlers Experiment; Helping Toddlers Make Good Choices; Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Changes in the Caregiving System; The Importance of Motor Activity; Media Use
Terrence’s Story

Five: The Boy Emerges: Nurturing Boys of Five and Six
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Growth; His New Sense of Gender Identity; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Adequate Love and Attention; Providing Natural Consequences; Providing Natural Rewards; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Limiting Whining and Backtalk; Providing Behavioral Limits; Giving Permission; Teaching Appropriate Response Time
Moral Teaching:
Building Spiritual Life; Modeling Adult Responsibility; Teaching Delayed Gratification; Teaching Good Manners; Pick Your Battles; The Question of Lying; The Question of Stealing; Helping Him Channel Aggression
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Being Wise Parents and Authorities; Preparing for School; Chores and Allowance; Discarding Cultural Stereotypes; Media Use; The Rituals of Life
Philip’s Story

Part Three: Nurturing the Middle Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Convention (Seven to Twelve Years Old)

Six: The Between Years: Nurturing Boys of Seven and Eight
Your Son’s Second Developmental Episode: An Overview:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Biggest Task; He Is in the Age of Convention
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Being a Strong Authority; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Handling Sibling Rivalry; Praise and Criticism
Moral Teaching:
Building Spiritual Life; Teaching Good Manners; Beginning a Service Activity as a Family; The Question of Lying; Helping Him Channel Aggression
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
The Family Environment; The School Environment; Chores and Allowance; Media Use; The Rituals of Life
Evan’s Story

Seven: Pre-Adolescence: Nurturing Boys of Nine and Ten
Developmental Milestones:
His Leap in Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Reasonable Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Dealing with Backtalk; Disciplining the Hard-to-Handle Boy; Attention Defecit Hyperactive Disorder
Moral Teaching:
Moral Training in Supervised Groups; Sports and Athletics; What to Do If Your Son Is Being Bullied; When Your Son Is the Bully; Sexual Morality; Teaching the Art of Thoughtfulness; Expanding the Moral Dialogue at Home
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Spiritual Development; Honor Obedience; Chores and Allowance; Don’t Leave Him Home Alone; Don’t Overdo Privacy; Protect Your Precious Moments; When Parents Divorce; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The First Rite of Passage
Lester’s Hope: Do Each of Your Actions as a Gift to Some Living Thing

Eight: Pre-Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Eleven and Twelve
Developmental Milestones:
His Brain Development; His Verbal Development; He Still Learns by Imitation; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Stopping Rudeness; Grounding the Boy
Moral Teaching:
Sexual Morality; Teaching Honesty and Loyalty; Teaching Toughness and Tenderness; Guiding the Boy’s Moral and Spiritual Quest; Teaching Proper Consumption
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Handling Peer Pressure; Be Very Involved in the Boy’s Life; Changing Roles of Family Members; Supporting Single Mothers; Supporting Single Fathers; Increase Honor Activities in Schools; Media Use
Jamal’s Story

Part Four: Nurturing the Teenage Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Moral Intuition (Thirteen to Eighteen Years Old, and Beyond)

Nine: Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Thirteen and Fourteen
Your Son’s Third Developmental Episode: An Overview:
His Biggest Task; His Thinking Is Not Always Consistent; He Is in Some Real Emotional Turmoil; He Is Developing in the Age of Moral Intuition
Developmental Milestones:
His Encounter with Puberty; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development; Risky Behavior During Puberty; Separation from Parents
Discipline Techniques:
Applying Curfews; Holding to Core Rules; Providing a Balance of Freedom and Responsibility; Providing More Than One Disciplinarian
Moral Teaching:
Where to Draw the Moral Lines; The Temptations of Drugs and Alcohol; Handling One Common Problem: Cigarette Use; Handling Shoplifting and Stealing; Building Spiritual Life; Sexual Morality; Helping Guide His Emotional Impulses
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Family and Community Life; A Best Friend; Mentors and Role Models; The Need for Respect; Homosexuality; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Second Rite of Passage
A Doctor’s Story

Ten: The Middle Teens: Nurturing Boys of Fifteen and Sixteen
Developmental Milestones:
His Individuation; His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Rules and Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Practicing Creative Discipline; Practicing Immediate Accountability; Holding Appropriate Expectations of Young Men
Moral Teaching:
Holding High Moral Expectations; Using Stories, Moral Puzzles, and Moral Debates; Sexual Morality and Romance; Handling a Son Who Has a Drinking Problem; Challenging Teen Drug Use
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Trustable, Adaptable Parenting; Work and the Workplace; The School; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Third Rite of Passage
Cameron’s Story

Eleven: Pre-Adulthood: Nurturing Young Men of Seventeen, Eighteen, and Beyond
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Discipline for the “One Bad Act”
Moral Teaching:
Encouraging Moral and Spiritual Education through Travel; Encouraging Service Activities; Teaching the Art of Relationship; Handling Money and Work; Having Faith in Our Sons
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Supervision; Responsibilities; The Mentor; Adult-Adult Conversation; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Fourth Rite of Passage
Marcel’s Story

Epilogue
Appendix I: Fifty Books and Movies That Stimulate Moral Growth in Boys
Appendix II: Additional Resources
Notes
Index
About the Author