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The Ego Trip
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Published on Aug 04, 2026 | 12 Hours 42 Minutes
A lost tradition of “toad medicine,” a global psychedelic movement, and the charismatic doctor who left a trail of destruction in his wake
“Entirely mesmerizing. . . . Richly reported and written with humor and flair, The Ego Trip is itself a trip—and Kimon de Greef is a major talent.” —Patrick Radden Keefe, #1 New York Times bestselling author of London Falling
“Toad-laced psychopathy is one hell of a drug. . . . An enthralling, galling journey into the deeply weird underbelly of the psychedelic renaissance.” —The New York Times
In 2012, a Mexican doctor named Octavio Rettig declared that he had revived a forgotten indigenous ritual: smoking the secretions of the Sonoran Desert toad, which releases a potent psychedelic substance known as “the God molecule.” This enormously powerful drug can induce states of ego death and the sensation of being directly connected with the divine. In some cases, it offers profound relief for numerous conditions and illnesses. Drawn in by Octavio’s visionary message of healing, many psychonauts, spiritual seekers, and patients without other options flocked to Sonora and sparked a psychedelic movement that would eventually circle the globe. But as Octavio’s fame grew, stories emerged of extreme dosing, abusive behavior, and even dramatic deaths.
In this gripping and deeply reported book, Kimon de Greef uncovers the truth behind this cultish figure and the wider world of toad medicine. While Octavio touted the cultural authenticity of his toad ceremonies, verifiable evidence of ancestral practice appeared questionable. Fractious turf wars broke out among toad collectors, who sent impoverished locals into drug cartel territory to chase after the animals and risk their lives in the process. And pharmaceutical companies raced against one another to profit from the commercial potential of the God molecule and develop a transformative mental health treatment that could rival Prozac in its impact on psychopharmacology.
Part true crime, part cult story, part cultural history, The Ego Trip is a chronicle of the rise and fall of a messianic figure and an investigation into larger truths about our age of spiritual desolation. As de Greef makes clear in this hypnotic story, no matter the lengths we go to in attaining a more cosmic understanding, we will always remain firmly in the real world, bound by our limitations and inescapably human.
“Entirely mesmerizing. . . . Richly reported and written with humor and flair, The Ego Trip is itself a trip—and Kimon de Greef is a major talent.” —Patrick Radden Keefe, #1 New York Times bestselling author of London Falling
“Toad-laced psychopathy is one hell of a drug. . . . An enthralling, galling journey into the deeply weird underbelly of the psychedelic renaissance.” —The New York Times
In 2012, a Mexican doctor named Octavio Rettig declared that he had revived a forgotten indigenous ritual: smoking the secretions of the Sonoran Desert toad, which releases a potent psychedelic substance known as “the God molecule.” This enormously powerful drug can induce states of ego death and the sensation of being directly connected with the divine. In some cases, it offers profound relief for numerous conditions and illnesses. Drawn in by Octavio’s visionary message of healing, many psychonauts, spiritual seekers, and patients without other options flocked to Sonora and sparked a psychedelic movement that would eventually circle the globe. But as Octavio’s fame grew, stories emerged of extreme dosing, abusive behavior, and even dramatic deaths.
In this gripping and deeply reported book, Kimon de Greef uncovers the truth behind this cultish figure and the wider world of toad medicine. While Octavio touted the cultural authenticity of his toad ceremonies, verifiable evidence of ancestral practice appeared questionable. Fractious turf wars broke out among toad collectors, who sent impoverished locals into drug cartel territory to chase after the animals and risk their lives in the process. And pharmaceutical companies raced against one another to profit from the commercial potential of the God molecule and develop a transformative mental health treatment that could rival Prozac in its impact on psychopharmacology.
Part true crime, part cult story, part cultural history, The Ego Trip is a chronicle of the rise and fall of a messianic figure and an investigation into larger truths about our age of spiritual desolation. As de Greef makes clear in this hypnotic story, no matter the lengths we go to in attaining a more cosmic understanding, we will always remain firmly in the real world, bound by our limitations and inescapably human.
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Author
Kimon de Greef
Kimon de Greef has written for The New Yorker, New York, The New York Times, The Guardian, and other publications. His first book, co-authored with Shuhood Abader, is Poacher: Confessions from the Abalone Underworld. He lives in Cape Town.
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