READERS GUIDE

Introduction

DILF: Did I Leave Feminism? is a book full of questions, such that it feels a little odd to beasking you even more questions now. Yet I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather see this book than a classroom. This book is not meant to be a stopping point — it’s a springboard. Build on it, exceed it, debunk it, fight over it, use it to understand your own life — doanything, so long as you keep asking questions about gender and power, because theworld needs your answers. Here are a few places you might start. —Jude Ellison S. Doyle

Questions and Topics for Discussion

Defining Gender. Part One outlines three different ways of defining the term “gender” — as an identity, alanguage, and a power structure. What do you mean, when you say “gender,” and how many of thesedefinitions do you use, on a daily basis? Can you think of more definitions that aren’t mentioned here?

Bodily Autonomy. Part One also covers two major legislative fights for bodily autonomy — the fight for legalabortion and for access to gender-affirming care. Access to transition and abortion have traditionally beenbanned or restricted for the same reasons, using the same methods, by the same people. Why do you thinkthese two forms of healthcare are so threatening to many people in power? What other forms of bodilyautonomy are restricted in day-to-day life, and by whom, and why?

Sexual Scripts. Part Two discusses common sexual scripts and how they’re tied to misogyny: There’s theidea that men are only “real men” if they have sex with women. There’s the idea that the partner who getspenetrated is “feminine,” and therefore lesser, regardless of gender. Where did you learn your sexual scripts?How are they tied to gender? How do other cultural hierarchies or -isms (for example, racism) constructsexual scripts?

Sex Wars. Part Two also introduces the extremely polarizing work of Andrea Dworkin, and the historicaldivide between “queer” and feminist movements that took place during the Sex Wars of the 1980s. What didyou know about this conflict before you read DILF? How has the divide played out in your own activism, oryour own life? What, if anything, do you think should be done to remedy it going forward?

For the Kids. A tremendous amount of the current anti-trans backlash focuses on the figureof the “trans kid,” who is said to be doing “irreversible damage” to themselves by pursuing socialtransition or gender-affirming care. Why is this debate so heavily focused on children? What role dochildren and children’s rights play in your own queer and/or feminist practice?

All Our Children. In Part Three, we discuss two models of child care: A communal model, in which we areall responsible for the children in our society, and a capitalist model, in which parents are factory workersand the child is their product, with the goal being to produce the “best,” most successful, highest-earningchild. What responsibilities do these two models assume for adults? For parents? How do they conflict?How does capitalism structure the other important relationships in our lives?

Revising History. Part Four tells the story of how radical feminism became transphobic andtrans-exclusive. Were you familiar with any of the figures in this chapter, and if so, what did you know aboutthem? Any history is selective: It chooses which figures to focus on and leaves others out. If you were toconstruct your own feminist history, what would that look like? Where would it start? Who and what wouldbe included?

Re-Examining “Men.” This book draws a strong distinction between biological essentialism — the belief that “men” can only ever have one kind of body, and behave in one highly oppressive and patriarchal way,because it’s “in their nature” — and actually holding men accountable for their choice to uphold patriarchy.It also suggests that “male privilege” is not handed out equally to every man. What is your view of “maleprivilege” and how it intersects with other sources of oppression? Is there any one unifying “maleexperience” or “male condition,” and if so, what would it be?

Origin Stories. The book ends with a portrait of Pauli Murray, an early second-wave feminist who laidmuch of the groundwork for contemporary trans movements, mainstream feminism, and specifically Black feminist theories of intersectionality. Who has been a model for you, in your understanding of gender?What historical figures have given you grounding or inspiration? If you envision yourself as an ancestor forfuture queer or gender-marginalized people, what legacy do you want to leave?

Zeno’s Gender. DILF suggests that “man” and “woman” are vanishing points on two ends of a spectrum ofideals that no one person can embody. How close are you to embodying your culture’s idea of “man” or“woman?” How do you differ from it? How do you draw power or insight from the ways in which youdiverge from the norm?