READERS GUIDE

No One Loves an Angry Woman: an Exvangelical Coming-of-Rage Story
by Gemma Hartley 

Book Club Discussion Questions


In a group setting, feel free to skip any question about personal experience you do not wish to  discuss publicly. On your own, you might find considering these questions quite productive. 

1. One page 1, Gemma opens No One Loves an Angry Woman by casually mentioning the sexual assault that serves as a catalyst for the questioning of her faith (“let’s tell it up front so it’s not some big reveal”). What do you make of the way she reveals this information? How do her depictions of this pivotal moment change throughout the book? 

2. Gemma closes the first essay by writing that “vengeance is having the last word.” How does taking control of her own narrative change the way the Gemma relates to herself over the course of the book? How does this land for you as a reader, as you consider the fallibility of memory and the author’s inevitable biases?   

3. In I Would Rather Be Known Than Be Quiet, Gemma explores the buried stories of women in the early church, the broader cultural erasure of women’s voices, and her own experiences of being silenced. She learns throughout her life that self-silencing, hiding her discomfort, and accommodating others is a way to earn love and belonging, even (perhaps especially) with her family of origin. In what ways have you altered your behavior to not appear “difficult”? What did those silences cost you? Are there moments when silence can be worth the cost it incurs? When is your silence not worth paying that price?

4. There is a circular nature to the storytelling that occurs throughout the book. Why do you think Gemma keeps returning to the question of the ways things might have turned out differently in her life? Does she come to a place of acceptance about her past? How does this impact the way she views her current life or the future?

5. How do you relate to the author’s stories about girlhood? What moments brought up your own memories of growing up in a patriarchal society? How did the adults around her shape the conditions of Gemma’s girlhood?

6. Gemma posits that rape culture is intimately and inextricably linked to purity culture within the church. How does the objectification of women in the church differ from what you’ve seen in culture at large? What role does purity culture play in Gemma’s formation of identity? How do you think this feeds into other forms of shame and guilt she feels throughout her life?

7. How does the suggestion to “be grateful” become weaponized to uphold harmful patriarchal systems? How does this connect to the idea of men as “protectors and providers”?

8. What do you view as the most important lessons of Gemma’s early education? What lessons do her parents instill that lend to the adult and writer she becomes? How do these differ from or compare to your own educational experiences?

9. How do you think Gemma’s relationship with her husband was able to evolve throughout her own deconstruction from Christianity? What do you think she leaves out of their story? Was there anything you were surprised she left in? Is this the story of a happy marriage?

10. How has Gemma’s experience of motherhood been shaped by her conservative upbringing? How much is her experience reflective of larger social failings to support mothers? If you are a mother, what parts of your experience did you see reflected in Gemma’s story?

11. What role does guilt, shame, and self-blame play in Gemma’s story? Where do you think this serves as taking accountability, and where is it a reflex to her social and theological conditioning? Do you see similar patterns in your own life around what makes you feel guilt, shame and self-blame?

12. What do you make of the author’s complicated relationship with alcohol? Have you ever found yourself having similar questions about the role of alcohol in your life? What are your thoughts about how alcohol is marketed to women and mothers as a salve for systemic issues no one plans to fix?

13. How does the concept of “sin” play a role in societal norms and expectations outside of the church? Were you surprised by any of the historical information about the church and how it relates to modern medicine, marriage, motherhood and culture? Did you make any new connections after reading this book?

14. What role does anxiety play in creating dedication and obedience to a Christian worldview? How do you see that cultivated throughout Gemma’s story?

15. How would you describe Gemma’s relationship with her parents? In what ways does she repeat or reject her own experiences as she raises her own children? What familial expectations does she still adhere to throughout the narrative? Which ones does she break free from?

16. What role does feminism and feminist theory play in Gemma’s deconstruction journey? How is feminism portrayed within the church? Do you see those narratives playing out in mainstream culture today?

17. Gemma describes her journey of deconstruction as “coming home to myself.” How does Christian patriarchy separate people, especially girls, from their intuition and inner knowing? How do we come home to ourselves after our conditioning has separated us from truth?